there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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