21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
