I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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