Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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