Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize