You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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