I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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