I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I believe in your delicious
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
