NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
