HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
