are you still at the devil's house?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize