so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
