SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
