ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
