Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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