So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
