you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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