he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
