he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
