thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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