This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
