walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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