I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
