Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
