my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
