Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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