Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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