I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
