If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
