Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
