come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
