it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
