i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize