if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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