I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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