Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My ass is underappreciated
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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