I want to make a zoo with you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it hurts more in the daytime
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
