How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
