I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
