i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
