I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
