Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
