can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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