i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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