Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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