So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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