Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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