Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
