I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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