well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
