Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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