It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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