I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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