So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
