Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
