Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
