This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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