I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
