I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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