Your dad touched me again.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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