There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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