can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
