I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
