Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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