He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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