The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
