I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's shark week go big or go home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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