even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
