is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
