Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
