i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
