ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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