oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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