i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
