Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
