david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
