shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
