Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
