I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
