I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
worst night to have a conscience
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
