i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
