I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
