a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
