I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
