HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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