i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
