i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
