Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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