definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
