I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
