think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
