taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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