I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
