I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
