me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
