I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize