i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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