oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Randomize
