You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
